CRISTY FERMIN: THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED (BITCHES)

Imagine a big bitch who talks like a comatose drone with a feeding tube down her throat and who sits like a grossly overweight Cleopatra waiting for manna to come down.

Keep on guessing who the bitch is.

It’s none other than Cristy Fermin.

First of all, she’s a thieving devil who manages to rip celebrities off by threatening to make them the subjects of her blind items on the tabloid Bulgar. She manages to take tens and hundreds of thousands by way of her threats. She scares the hell out of many people because she’s a cavalier, good-for-nothing mercenary who’s just as good as Satan. Actors and other celebrities who cannot comply with her are doomed to be fodder for her cheap, grammatically atrocious blind items. The sponsors of her radio program “Cristy Perminute” are likewise gypped by this Medusa incarnate.

Forgive me for insulting the Filipino language, but Cristy can’t pull off a Lope K. Santos, an Aurelio Tolentino, or even a Francisco Balagtas. She tries so hard to come across as a Filipino linguist yet she fails miserably. However, she can still be considered a linguist because she uses her tongue often to perform fellatio (and even do so with cunnilingus, if her dentures are quite durable). Her use of the words “kata”, “kita”, “datapwat”, and “sapagkat”, among others, are so obsolescent that even Dr. Jose Perez of Sampaguita Pictures and Donya Sisang de Leon of LVN Pictures- coupled with Mrs. Emilia Blas of Lea Productions- are going to rise from their graves and pull her down to damnation, where she belongs.

Cristy Fermin is such a promiscuous twat. She has had one-night stands and/or affairs with straight men, gay men, bisexual men, lesbians, and even straight women. The bitch even managed to perform cunnilingus on a sexy actress at her now-defunct Mariposa Publications (which should have been Merry-Pussy or Mariang Pakakak Publications) and managed to give away her child’s brass bed to one of her boy toys, who turned out to be bisexual.

The cunt has had so many shows on TV that one could think that she is either a hot item or an entity notorious for being a jinx. Since the time she became part of TV5, Cristy Fermin has been unsuccessful in gaining advertisers for her show. Her blind items are rehashed and blatant that, no wonder, she tends to become a fodder for libel lawsuits. There was even a time when Eddie Gutierrez and Annabelle Rama-Gutierrez sued the kitsch bitch for libel when the latter defamed the couple’s daughter Ruffa Gutierrez. Thus, many people are mad at Cristy Fermin for being more pugnacious (and huger and uglier) than a rhinoceros on steroids.

We have a mnemonic for Cristy:

P - romiscuous

U - nforgivable

T – ramp-like

A - rrogant

N - uisance

G – ung-ho (or gung-whore?)

I - nsolent

N - incompoop

A - rbitrary

M – oney-hungry

O - bnoxious